Letter to best friend. (Part 1)

“I had been searching or a blessing in so many people. I’ve always had the opinion that people stay when you want them to stay, when you do things to make them stay. And in the past years, I did everything I could to make people happy, to make people feel enough, or maybe to make myself feel enough for them. But then, somehow, they always left. I tried not giving them reasons to leave, but they did, no matter what. And after some time, I kind of started blaming myself for it. I started searching faults in myself. 

Four years ago, I met you for the first time. I was the new girl in the class. We did not get along very well in the first few months, but then they rightly say that what’s meant to happen always finds its way. And ever since, I rely upon you with my eyes closed, with my hands holding yours, with my head resting upon your shoulders, and with my life circling yours. I found my blessing when I wasn’t searching for it. Some days I want to sit and cry happy tears the whole day because I’ve started believing that I’ve been one of the luckiest persons on this earth. I had always felt that I’ve done more for people than people would do for me, but with you it’s always the other way round. Anything I do for you seems so less, so minute, in comparison to what you do for me. 

There are days when I am scared of the world, there are days when I put my armour down and on those days, I see you taking the shape of my armour. There are days when I feel frustated of life, there are days when I start doubting myself, and on those days, I hear you telling me that you believe in me. I wouldn’t believe it when someone else says it but when you say it, it does seem to be true. When you say it’s okay, everything gets okay.

I count you as my family, because just like the family that has been with me through thick and thin, you’ve been too. 

I do dream of a family of my own, a house, a good job. But I dream of making them come true with you by my side. I dream of telling our children our stories when we were younger, and I dream of seeing them so enthusiastic and amazed by the bond that’ll still exist between us, that will outgrow everything that’ll come in its way.

I do not really care what the world thinks of me. I’ve learnt that there are too many facades out there, all so loving but underneath them lie their true faces. But your opinion matters to me, because you’ve seen me when I didn’t know how to ride a bicycle, because you’ve been with me when I had got allergy from the peanuts, because you’ve seen me when I’ve cried and laughed, because you’ve been there when the world wasn’t. And I know when you say things, you’ll mean them.

After you entered my life, I’ve realised that a soulmate can be found in anyone, even in a best friend. I still don’t know how you’ve perfected the art of knowing how I feel just by hearing my voice. The random long messges that you send when I’m down reminding me that I can do whatever I want in the world and I deserve the best are what I’ll be grateful for. 

They say you do not say sorry or thankyou in friendships. But let me say it, because I am grateful. Grateful for the way you’ve changed my life, grateful for being a constant reason for my happiness. 

I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever say someone that I love them as many times as I say it to you in a day. But then, I do not regret being aapreciative, being thankful. Because sometimes people know that you love them, but it’s okay if they forget it sometimes. It’s okay to remind them.”

P.S : I’ve titled it part 1 because on any day I may feel like writing for her again and any no. of words won’t be able to describe what she is to me.

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Revelations.

I was searching through my closet and I found some things dear to me earlier, missing. One, my hoodie and second, your heart. You took both of them with you and never returned. This got me thinking. When we were together, you thought you knew everything about me, everything that I felt, everything that I liked. So, now that we aren’t together anymore, let me reveal to you things that you never knew. I never told you these things myself because I had grown to the idea that ‘the way you liked things to be was the best way for things to be’. Well, they weren’t or else we would have stayed together.

I want to tell you that I never had a thing for getting up in the morning late but one day, when I had tried to get out of bed at around 5 in the morning, you pulled me and tugged me in the blanket, kissing me and sushing me back to sleep. It was the best sleep I had in a while and after that I never tried getting up early again.

I wanted to tell you that I love my coffee hot and light, not the way you liked it, cold and dark. But since everyday you woke up before me and made me coffee, I never complained because this small gesture meant a good beginning of the day to me. 
I hated cricket, and I’ve always liked football. But whenever we came home from the office and you switched on the tv, I never asked you to watch the football match because I knew that you’ll get bored soon and would go to sleep rather than being with me on the sofa, keeping your arms around my waist and my head resting on your shoulders. I liked it that way. 
I wanted to tell you that I never liked the yellow coloured dress that you bought for me when we went to shopping together. I agreed to wear it on my birthday only because you said that I looked beautiful in it. And at that point of time, that was all I needed.
I also want to tell you that I would always prefer eating food bought from a dhaba, on our terrace together, rather than going to an extravaganat restaurant for having some continental food. I had always been ‘desi’ but because of you, I thought that trying new things would not harm. And believe me, after you left, I’ve been eating a lot of paneer tikkas and rumali rotis.
Also, do you remember our last movie date? I tried so hard not to sleep while the movie was on, but I failed miserably and that too many a times. I don’t know if you noticed. Or maybe you didn’t care. You didn’t know, but I loved science fiction a lot more than love stories. But while I was in love with you, they seemed bearable. But now, I live on movies like Star Wars and Interstellar.
I don’t know if you’ll ever get to know about the things I like. I know you don’t care anymore. But if you ever read this, then just know that you thought you were perfect and you knew me better than anyone but you didn’t, because you never cared to ask. Now that I think about it, I feel that you knew me the least. I still wonder when this relationship turned into a compromise that I couldn’t keep on making anymore.

Lastly, if you ever get a chance, send me my hoodie back because there’s still a place left for it in my closet, but not for your heart.