Thinking through.

“​He was like that faint ray of light that’s so far from you that you don’t even see the possibility of it taking you out of darkness. But he did. He did affect my life and that too in an instant.

I was in a loop hole, revolving around the same world over and over, a world that had long ceased to exist. You know, it happens, that just when you decide that there’s no one you can connect to, no one who knows your pain better than you, no one who can take the place of your past, there comes someone, someone who doesn’t become what your past was, but who makes you forget about it , who just takes your mind off it and gives you a reason to stay even if only for a while. Talking to that someone makes you happy and it does not even place the thought of what the future will be, because you enjoy that very moment so much that you don’t want to spoil it by thinking about what happens next. This happiness may be only for a moment, but you cherish it the most because you know it isn’t going to last long. No, you do not fall in love with that person. But you feel thankful for that little moment of true happiness, when you laughed with that heart of yours, when your whole body felt new, even if for a moment. That person may be your best friend who took a stand for you in front of the whole class, or your mother who ironed your clothes when you forgot to do the same yourself, or a colleague who told you that you looked beautiful today or maybe your own self. And in that very instant, you forget the load you had been carrying for so long, you forget that when you go home, the loop hole will still be there to squeeze you in, the past will still haunt you and the world would seem unchanged. But maybe because of knowing that, you will cherish every bit of that moment, smiling, feeling that happiness filling in your body gradually, and in that very moment you’ll find the solace you’ve desired for so long. You’ll value it so much, and the people who’ve given it to you that you would want to stay there still, forever. You would wish that time stops and there’s no returning home because this happiness feels more like it now, because this happiness feels more like the home we’ve longed for.”

The world would seem to be a better place tomorrow.

“​Do you have one of those days when you feel sad, frustated, angry, all at the same time and don’t know why? The night doesn’t seem soothing, it seems dark. The stars’ light also seem to blind the eyes and the heat seems a little too much. It is on such days that we take the disappointments, failures, breakdowns to our heart, and the world seems to be crashing down upon us. The world appears to be a war ground and the demotivated self, the warrior soon to give up. It is on these days that we feel like there’s no use of making efforts to help make this world a better place, because it isn’t going to become one soon no matter what we do. It is on these days, that we feel like crying but the tears seem to have disappeared, it is one these days that we want to scream so hard but the throat seems to be jammed and we want to throw our limbs in the air like some mad man but the body is too languid, too tired. It is on one these days when we long for someone to listen to us, but don’t want to speak. It is on one of these days that we want someone’s shoulders to rest our heads upon, but don’t want someone’s touch. It is on one of these days when we want to see the most mind boggling, eye popping hives of the world and yet want to keep our eyes closed forever.

Those days are hard, aren’t they?

Like every other coin, this coin also has another side, a side that we overlook most of the times. It is on these days that we wait for the day to be over, but it is on these days that we hope for new beginnings, fresh starts. We are convinced that a new morning, a new day will begin and truthfully, it will. Our mind tells us that these contorted feelings are going to untangle themselves tomorrow and we are going to feel everything again but at the right times. These days make us realise that no matter what happens, every present, be it good or bad, is going to become our past some day, and that nothing lasts, that nights of darkness do end, that we’ll get past such days and tomorrow, it won’t matter.”

Bit by bit.

Via The Daily Prompt : Substandard

“We used substandard feelings. No wonder it collapsed.

Maybe the love we had was flawed, or maybe it wasn’t love after all, only a current of infatuation shaking us from where we were before because love means giving, but all we did was take everything from each other.

Maybe the warmth of your hands on my cheeks made my spine cold enough to make me drift away from you.

Maybe your mellifluous voice wasn’t the only thing needed to attract me in a room full of people.

Maybe good night texts that you sent didn’t leave me awake all night thinking of how I lucky I was to have you.

Maybe when I told you that I would wait for you forever, you put all your efforts measuring it.

Maybe it wasn’t what I thought it was.

Maybe we used substandard feelings, no wonder it collapsed. ”
Am I still supposed to force myself into believing that? 

Ultimate happiness is homemade.

“I saw it. The most beautiful of smiles. I still wonder how could a simple human like me, be able to produce that on two other faces?
Whenever I see them, those pretty smiles, I feel that I’ve had the world. My little achievements, my happiness, all contributing into making that smile a little broader everytime. The smiles are my shelter on the rainy days. The forever stretched arms are what I’ll always be homesick for. The aloo ki sabzi and the chapati, never stale, is the food I still miss when I see pizza. The clothes crumpled in the cupboard and the unkempt bedroom remind me of the cloth hangers and the unslackened bedsheet of my own bedroom. The laptop beside the coffee cup reminds me of the common tv and the chai in the evening. I hear cars and peddlers and people, and I close my eyes, and there I remember the stillness of the air, the squad that used to gather on the terrace everyday, playing badminton even in the summers. And I see, my hand being pulled, to take me home as it gets dark. I resist but the force was strong enough. As I open my eyes, I see the sky getting darker and darker like some artist colouring his canvas with shades of grey and then finally black.

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And I start thinking about me, about us. This generation, of which I’m a part of, which is too afraid of commiting, too afraid of having something permanent, too afraid of having a family, too afraid, maybe a little too afraid. Amidst of the life we live, maybe we forget sometimes, that family is all we’ve got when we’ve got none. That in life, it’s important to be free, to fly but it’s necessary to have someone to hold your back whenever you’re tired of flying. It’s important to have a house, but it’s necessary to have a home. It’s good to be yours and only yours, but it’s beautiful to be someone’s.